I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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