dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
