I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
