Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
