Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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