i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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