She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
