We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
