just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please don't give away my fajitas
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
