She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i now understand why vodka
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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