Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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