If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
