I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
