You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
