I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
