Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
