U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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