it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
