He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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