I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
