either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
