your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
