I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
