1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
