can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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