i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
