the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
