lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and she was petting her beer can
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
