My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
