Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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