this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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