Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how drunk are you?
Several
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
