I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
