He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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