Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
