Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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