Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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