I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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