I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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