can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
