i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
