Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
