Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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