pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
