Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
