you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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