what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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