The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
