I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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