just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
