U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
