Apparently you make a good broom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
